February 19, 2009

Real Names: 2009

Listen up!!

Class is in session.

Every year, I like to update my "wrestler's real names" list -- just for fun. Fun. Quite a concept, eh? Here it is. Enjoy.

TODAY:

Hazem Ali: Armando Alejandro Estrada

Ken Anderson: Mr. Kennedy

Dave Bautista: Batista

Retesh Bhalla: Sonjay Dutt

Barbara Blank: Kelly Kelly

Steve Borden: Sting

Phil Brooks: C.M. Punk

Alvin Burke Jr.: MVP

Mark Callaway: Undertaker

Anthony Carelli: Santino Marella

Elizabeth Carolan: Beth Phoenix

Carlos Colon Jr.: Carlito Colon

Edwin C. Colon: Primo Colon

Cliff Compton: Domino

Adam Copeland: Edge

Daniel Covell: Christopher Daniels

Nick Cvjetkovich: Kizarny

Shawn Daivari: Sheik Abdul Bashir

Theodore Marvin DiBiase Jr.: Ted DiBiase Jr.

Nelson Erazo: Homicide

Eddie Fatu: Umaga

Dave Findlay: Finlay

Richard Morgan Fliehr: The Nature Boy Ric Flair

Nelson Frazier: Big Daddy V

Jeremy Fritz: Eric Young

Shoichi Funaki: Kung Fu Naki

Shad Gaspard: Shad

Terry Gerin: Rhino

James Gibson: Jamie Noble

Terrence Gordy: Jesse

Salvador Guerrero: Chavo Guerrero

Oscar Gutierrez: Rey Mysterio

Jake Hager: Jack Swagger

Drew Hankinson: Festus

Shane Helms: Gregory Helms

John Hennigan: John Morrison

Shawn Hernandez: Hernandez

Mike Hettinga: Mike Knox

Michael S. Hickenbottom: Shawn Michaels

Robert Howard: Bob Holly

Booker Huffman: Booker T

Devon Hughes: Brother Devon

Chris Irvine: Chris Jericho

Francisco Islas: Super Crazy

Glen Jacobs: Kane

Allen Jones: A.J. Styles

Matthew Kaye: Matt Striker

Ron Killings: R-Thuth

Matthew Joseph Korklan: Evan Bourne

John Layfield: JBL

Tommy Laughlin: Tommy Dreamer

Jean-Paul LeVesque: Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Scott Levy: Raven

Mark LoManaco: Brother Ray

Mike Mizanin: The Miz

Patrick Martin: Alex Shelley

Darren Matthews: William Regal

Kofi Sarkodie-Mensah: Kofi Kingston

Chris Mordetsky: Chris Masters

Sean Morley: Val Venis

Nick Nemeth: Dolph Ziggler

Chris Park: Abyss

Jason Paul: JTG

Dylan Postl: Hornswoggle

Oleg Aleksandrovich Prudius: Vladimir Kozlov

Jonathan Rechner: Balls Mahoney

Scott Steiner: Scott Rechsteiner

James Reiher Jr.: Deuce

Jason Reso: Christian

Dean Roll: Shark Boy

Cody Runells: Cody Rhodes

Dustin Runells: Dustin Rhodes

Joe Seanoa: Samoa Joe

Peter Senerca: Tazz

Jamar Shipman: Jay Lethal

Dalip Singh: The Great Khali

Cute Kip: Monty Sopp

Rycklon Stevens: Ezekiel Jackson

Travis Tomko: Tyson Tomko

Anthony White: Tony Atlas

Paul Wight: The Big Show

Kia Williams: Awesome Kong

James Yun: Jimmy Wang Yang


YESTERDAY:

Kerry Adkisson: The Texas Tornado, Kerry Von Erich

Tom Billington: The Dynamite Kid

Richard Blood: Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat

Terry Gene Bollea: Hulk Hogan

Adolpho Bresciano: Dino Bravo

Chris Chavis: Tatanka

Eldridge Wayne Coleman: Superstar Billy Graham

Barry Darsow: Repo Man

William DeMott: Hugh Morrus

Nick Dinsmore: Eugene

Amy Dumas: Lita

Lillian Ellison: The Fabulous Moolah

Sidney Ray Eudy: Sid Vicious

Page Falkenburg: Diamond Dallas Page

Roy Wayne Ferris: The Honky Tonk Man

Keith Franke: Adrian Adonis

Frank Goodish: Bruiser Brody

George Gray: The One-Man Gang

Peter Gruner: Billy Kidman

Jim Harris: Kamala, The Ugandan Giant

Raymond Louis Heenan: Bobby Heenan

Michael Hegstrand: Road Warrior Hawk

James Janos: Jesse Ventura

Joe Laurinaitis: Road Warrior Animal

Edward Leslie: Brutus Beefcake

Reggie Lisowski: The Crusher

Marty Lunde: Arn Anderson

Robert Marella: Gorilla Monsoon

Troy Martin: Shane Douglas

Edward McDaniel: Chief Wahoo McDaniel

John Minton: Big John Studd

William Moody: Paul Bearer

James Myers: George "The Animal" Steele

Chris Pallies: King Kong Bundy

James Parris: Ivan Koloff

Josip Peruzovic: Nikolai Volkoff

Larry Pfohl: Lex Luger

Randy Poffo: Randy "Macho Man" Savage

Jim Raschke: Baron Von Raschke

James Reiher: Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka

Virgil Runnels: Dusty Rhodes

Sylvester Ritter: The Junkyard Dog

Al Rogowski: Ole Anderson

Al Sarven: Al Snow

Joe Scarpa: Chief Jay Strongbow

Scott Simpson: Nikita Koloff

Aurelian Smith Jr: Jake "The Snake" Roberts

Merced Solis: Tito Santana

Rob Szatkowski: Rob Van Dam

Rod Toombs: "Rowdy" Roddy Piper

Kozrow Vaziri: The Iron Sheik

Sean Waltman: X-Pac

Larry Whistler: Larry Zbyszko

Steve Williams: Stone Cold Steve Austin

John Wisinski Jr.: Greg "The Hammer" Valentine

John Wisinski Sr.: Johnny Valentine


That's it. Now you can impress your friends with your vast wrestling knowledge. Aren't you glad you came to class? Thought so.

Now scram!

Class is dismissed!

February 2, 2009

AWA Lives!

Listen up!

Class is in session.

Once upon a time, a man named Verne Gagne was one of the primary rulers of the professional wrestling world. He owned a Minneapolis-based promotion called the American Wrestling Association, where he was its frequent champion for many years.

During Gagne's reign, his son, Greg, also trained to become a performer. He, along with a fellow named Jim Brunzell, were a dynamic babyface team called The High Flyers. That was then.

This is now. Greg Gagne is 60-years-old. His father is 82. Vince McMahon owns the AWA name and tape library. Surely, time has passed since the glory years -- but the Gagne family is still kicking.

New Association

Greg Gagne, also a former trainer for WWE and WCW, is striking out on his own. He has developed a two-pronged business venture called the Gagne Wrestling Association . One part of the business is to sell merchandise from yesteryear -- gifts and collectibles featuring the stories and likenesses of former AWA superstars who ruled with Verne. You know the names. Mad Dog Vachon. The Crusher. Nick Bockwinkel. A portion of the proceeds raised through the sales of the merchandise, according to Gagne, will go back to the estates of those superstars.

"Those guys are all hurting a little bit," Gagne said. "This is a chance for us to thank them."


One item is a signed print of Verne from his ring days in the 1950s. A well-known sports memorabilia dealer in the Mall of America priced the item at $900. Gagne is selling it for $50. That's called a bargain.


Basic Training

Another bargain might be the Gagne Wrestling Academy. That's the second leg of the business, a school to train wrestling stars of the future. Greg wants to start classes in April on a campus in the Twin Cities area. But why now? Why not just work as a trainer for one of the big promotions? Gagne says Stephanie McMahon helped answer both questions.

"I had 18 people ready for them," Gagne said after training a recent crop of WWE newbies. "And Stephanie said, "Well, Greg, you did a good job but you're teaching the kids to dropkick the wrong way. I said, 'Steph, I made my living throwing dropkicks!'"

While Gagne says he left WWE with no hard feelings, he knew he could do better. Training is in his blood. He's helped develop fellows we've all seen in the ring, including Booker T, Steve Austin, Kevin Nash and Mike Knox.

Before him, his father Verne was instrumental in training legends such as Sgt. Slaughter, Ken Patera, Ricky Steamboat and Ric Flair. Yep, that Ric Flair.


Flair: Quitter?

Greg recalls the days when Flair was just a kid out of the University of Minnesota. A lad who always wanted to be a pro wrestler:

"Ric quit one time during the camp and my dad went over and dragged him out of his house," Gagne said. "Ric was standing in the yard, saying, 'I can't do it, I can't do it.' And Verne actually knocked him right on his butt. And he said, 'Flair, I'm not going to let you quit because you have too much @#$%^ potential.'

"Verne was hard-nosed and he was tough on us, but he never asked us to do anything that he couldn't do or wouldn't do. So we're going to pass on the legacy of Verne."

A legacy which means the new recruits might be miserable. Gagne says it's a necessary evil in order to weed out those who simply won't make it.

Ribs 'N' Ropes

"A lot of kids, the first time they hit the ropes, they'll break their ribs," Gagne said. "(When I trained), we took 1,000 bumps a day. You have to learn how to fall. And for six weeks we were black and blue. The skin was off our knees, off our shoulders, off our elbows. But after six weeks, it goes away."

Gagne has some help in his camp. His former partner Brunzell is part of the act. So is AWA fan-favorite Buck
Zumhofe, who promotes live wrestling events around the Midwest. The Zumhofe connection gives Gagne grappling graduates an instant venue to show their stuff.

"They run 140-170 shows a year … in little bars," Gagne said. "But they're successful. We can put (the students) on the road, and give them that experience they need getting in front of people. Most of these other (independent wrestling camps), they're not training them properly. And when they get done with them … and they've taken their money … they have nowhere to wrestle. They can't get 'em booked anywhere."

End Game

Once upon a time, a man named Verne Gagne was a primary ruler of the professional wrestling world. His son, Greg, knows how it works. Can the storied family fly high once again?

"I've got a pretty good background and know what to get out of people," Gagne said. "I know for a fact that I can produce talent."

January 1, 2009

Best Of 2008

Listen up!

Class is in session.

After a well deserved two week break, I am back to tell you exactly what to think in terms of the squared circle. This week, it's the "Best of 2008," as I name the Best Wrestler, Best New School Moment, Best Old School Moment and Best Book of the past 12 months.


Best Wrestler: Shawn Michaels
I wanted to give this to Chris Jericho, who was outstanding in 2008. I even thought of choosing Santino Marella, the funniest man in any promotion. But Michaels is the right pick. Michaels started strong with his "WrestleMania 24" classic with Ric Flair, continued the momentum with a program with Jericho, and finished the year with a fantastic few minutes on "Raw" with JBL. Last Monday night, Michaels refused to lay down in a match against his "new boss," but allowed JBL to give him a clothesline for the pin and a title shot against John Cena at the "Royal Rumble." Michaels, playing the down-on-his-luck babyface, was perfect. This past year, he was the man.

Best New School Moment: Jeff Hardy Wins WWE Title
I thought I was going to give this to the Flair-Michaels match, and then the Flair retirement sendoff on "Raw" the next night. But for some reason I have a soft spot in my hardened heart for Jeff Hardy. Every other WWE performer seems to have won the WWE championship, so why not Hardy? If Mick Foley can be Vince McMahon's standard bearer, so can this high flyer. I don't expect he'll keep it for long (think Rey Mysterio), but for now it is a breath of fresh air compared to Triple H having a stranglehold on the belt.

Best Old School Moment: Discovering YouTube
When it comes to wrestling's past, I'll admit that I don't like to sit and watch matches from yesterday. It's boring. But I do think the performers (wrestlers and managers) were just as colorful as today's crop. A great way to relive those moments – without the huge time commitment – is by surfing YouTube. You'll be amazed at what's there. You'll also be amazed at how much time you'll burn by slipping into that computer looking glass. Reliving the past – in short bursts – is simply great.

Best Book
Best book? Well, this is a classroom after all. And I was very prepared to tell you that Bret Hart's excellent autobiography, "Hitman," was the best of the year. However, that was until I picked up "Gorgeous George," by John Capouya. We've all heard of this Old School legend, but this is really the first time his story has been told in detail. While "Hitman" reminded me of the greatness of Hart and explained how his life spun out of control, I didn't realize how much G.G. changed American pop culture. That's why Capouya's book gets the edge.


I know what you're wondering. Why no negativity? Why no "Worst Of"?It's simple. I didn't feel like it. And you can only rip the Great Khali so much before it gets boring.

That's it!

Class is … dismissed!

December 10, 2008

WWE 'Armageddon' Results

Listen up!

Class is in session.

"Armageddon" is history. WWE's latest pay-per-view is in the books. Was it a December show to remember? Judge for yourself, as I tell you what "should" happen, what "will" happen and then what "did" happen:

Belfast Brawl Match: Mark Henry vs. Finlay
What Should Happen: This is one of those David vs. Goliath things, with Henry playing his usual part of the angry giant. Finlay should win here, with his "son" Hornswoggle interefering and somehow outsmarting Henry's manager, Tony Atlas. I'm not so sure Finlay is enjoying his time with the lumbering Henry.

What Will Happen: Finlay will get the pin.

What Did Happen: Finlay was the victor.


Challenge Match: Matt Hardy vs. Vladimir Kozlov
What Should Happen: Hardy, the ECW champ, tries to become the first man to pin the Russian machine. It's a non-title match, which means Hardy has no shot of winning. I see a lot of two-counts in this one before it's all over.

What Will Happen: This is the no-brainer of the night. Kozlov wil win.

What Did Happen: Kozlov took it, pinning Hardy.



WWE Intercontinental Tournament Finals Match: C.M. Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
What Should Happen: The winner takes on current IC champ, William Regal. This is a fine matchup, as Mysterio is always better when he works with someone who can actually wrestle. (Sorry, Kane.) While either man would be a worthy title holder, I'd have Mysterio advance.

What Will Happen: I'm picking Mysterio.

What Did Happen: I should have picked Punk, who pinned Rey.


Challenge Match: Randy Orton vs. Batista
What Should Happen: It's the first one-on-one PPV meeting between these two, who have been at each other's throats since their Evolution days. It's too bad a heavyweight title isn't on the line, but you can't have everything. I'm guessing this will be highly entertaining, as Batista has improved in the ring the past year or so. I think Orton should win, to extend Batista's recent losing streak.

What Will Happen: Orton will get the pin.

What Did Happen: Batista won this opening round, pinning Orton.


WWE Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy
What Should Happen: Again, I'd like to see what this Hardy boy (man) could do with the heavyweight title, but you get the feeling it'll never happen. I'm not sure why, because he seems every bit as popular as John Cena. Maybe he doesn't take enough steroids. If I were writing things, a peeved Vladimir Kozlov, pouting because he was left out, would interfere in this one and cost Edge the title --with Hardy winning.

What Will Happen: Edge will keep his title with a bit of Edge-like chicanery.

What Did Happen: Thanks for listening to me Vince. Hardy won, capturing his first WWE title. It's about time!


World Heavyweight Championship Match: John Cena (c) vs. Chris Jericho
What Should Happen: Cena took the belt off of Jericho in the last PPV. I think Jericho should return the favor this time around. Jericho as the chicken heel champion is much more entertaining than the babyface Cena.

What Will Happen: WWE loves Cena, and believes he's a money draw. He'll keep his belt, despite Jericho being the superior performer.

What Did Happen: Cena won, forcing Jericho to tap out.

That'll do it. For the record, I had three matches right tonight out of six. I would have gladly gotten them all wrong if it meant Jeff Hardy getting a title run. That was nice to see.

It's time to leave the apple and scram because this class is ... dismissed!

December 8, 2008

Hail Mean Gene

Listen up!

Class is in session.

This week's lecture: Why YouTube Is Great.

Your professor was under the weather recently, and one night I found myself horizontal -- yet unwilling to read a book or watch whatever was on TV.

Luckily, I had purchased an iPod Touch, which has Web browsing capabilities if you're hooked to a wireless network. So I turned the thing on, and decided to surf for pro wrestling clips on YouTube. I didn't want to watch any matches or get bogged down in a serious interview, so I kept my search terms to two words: Gene Okerlund.

If I haven't said it before, it needs to be said now: Mean Gene was one of the greatest interviewers in wrestling history -- and YouTube proved it.

Clip after clip after clip came up. Mean Gene as a young man in Verne Gagne's old American Wrestling Association in the late-1970s. Mean Gene in the mid-80s working for Vince McMahon's Hulk Hogan-energized World Wrestling Federation. Mean Gene as a seasoned veteran in Ted Turner's World Championship Wrestling in the 1990s.

His voice -- in every era, for every employer -- was crystal clear in delivery, a voice that made you excited to see the match he was pitching during his backstage or in-ring interview sessions. Today, no one -- and I mean no one -- is as good as Okerlund in that one-on-one setting. And when a wrestler was talking, you STILL kept your eyes focused on Okerlund because he gave you those goofy looks all the time. Paired with that delightfully cheesy mustache, his act was perfect.

The great thing about YouTube is that you can get snippets of this greatness without having to slog through a DVD collection or wind through old videotapes -- it's just all right there, one clip at a time.

The great thing about looking at Mean Gene clips is that you also get a quick history of wrestling itself. I had forgotten the AWA feud between Jesse Ventura and "Rock & Roll" Buck Zumhoff. Mean Gene chatted with both: The ultra-cool heel Jesse sporting the feather boas, the popular babyface Zumhoff hoisting the big boombox on his shoulders. An iPod would have killed that act.

Another great Okerlund clip had him -- in his early WWF days -- interviewing Roddy Piper and Cowboy Bob Orton, who were preparing for a big card in Oakland. Okerlund just couldn't keep up with Piper, who put on bravura 3-minute performance. Piper, in his day, was beyond great. No one in the business could put together a crazed promo like the Rowdy one. That is, except for Ric Flair.

My favorite Okerlund clip was another WWF entry. He was in a locker room during an old NBC "Saturday Night Main Event" show with Flair, Mr. Perfect and Razor Ramon. Okerlund flawlessly interacted with each star, with Flair stealing the segment with his usual intensity. It was also a room of four Minnesota kids who made it big. Okerlund, Flair, Hennig and Hall all had roots to the old AWA, your professor's stomping grounds.

Maybe that's why I felt better after watching all this stuff. It brought me back a little to a time when wrestling seemed closer to home. It wasn't so over-produced, and the guy on the microphone had a part to play that was charming -- not annoying.

As for YouTube, if you don't watch yourself, it can suck away a lot of your life. Like Alice In Wonderland, it's easy to fall through that Webbed looking glass and stare at strange fantasies for days. Thank goodness my iPod battery finally ran out, and I could get some sleep.

But for a few hours, the YouTube wrestling escape was a delightful sight for weary eyes. As the great, great, great, great Mr. Okerlund would bellow: "Don't you dare miss it!"